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[Nov. 16th, 2005|04:20 pm] |
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Not a lot to say recently, I've been successfully breastfeeding for almost a year and my period just started! It's the first one I've had in many years. It's the first one I've had naturally (without birth control pills) in 17 (!) years. It's also one week before my daughters' first birthday. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 8th, 2004|08:55 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
So it looks like everything worked!
At the end of March, my temperature was rising and it should have dropped after 14 days. It didn't.
Instead of getting my first period in over 2 1/2 years I found out I was pregnant!
My husband and I are now expecting our first baby in December.
All the tests and ultrasounds so far show that the baby is perfectly healthy and the strangest thing ever - my bloodwork is perfectly normal - very healthy even!!
Although I have backdated this entry, I am now 19 weeks along and starting to feel the baby kick. |
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| Meal Plan |
[Apr. 25th, 2004|07:58 am] |
here is a sample of what I
would eat during a light exercise (only walking) day. If there was
any running or weights, I would up the calories accordingly by
doubling the ice cream, or oil in my popcorn, or having a bunch of
almonds, or even a piece of cake *gasp*
The numbers are there because I was logging it through software to be
sure I wasn't fooling myself, or *accidentally* cutting calories.
( Meal Plan ) |
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| even more stuff |
[Mar. 28th, 2004|10:15 am] |
-armpit *fragrance* has returned
-more wacky pinch-ey cramps
-even more izzeyness |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 27th, 2004|09:27 pm] |
More weirdness:
-I've become completely stupid. I locked the cat in the bedroom and blamed it on Mike
-Nasty stabbing headache
-really smell sensitive
-unusual levels of calm, happy and joy
...hrm |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 26th, 2004|11:07 am] |
highest temperature yet! actually, I was feeling weird and woozey after breakfast and temp checked and it was 99.6! Sheesh! I don't think it's a flu, but I do feel very strange:
-crazy high tempertures
-sore breasts (8 days and counting) inclucing another donation from the breast fairy.
-very tired.
-very sensitive to smell.
-weird lower-abdominal twingies.
-woozey and faint-ey.
-increadibly bloated (at least I think it's bloating, I seem to have grown 2 sizes in 3 days.
Next week will certainly be interesting. Last time my temps jumped like this, it only lasted 5 days or so, this is day 9.
Hmm |
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| Dr. Alleyne |
[Mar. 25th, 2004|07:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | triplets of belleville | ] |
I think I just met my FairyGodMother!
Dr. De Souza from UofT referred me to Dr. Alleyne at Women's College Hospital. She's in the sports clinic who runs a program that is designed to help women like me! They have an intervention program that is targeted towards high school-age girls and young women who are beginning to develop destructive exercise patterns, then there is a recovery program, that is working in tandum with the Active Women's Study!
She asked some questions about my history and how I snapped out of it and what support I've had with my recovery. She was apalled at the lack of assistance I've had from doctors, especially the endocrinologist one floor below her!
She said that most women who have the personality that would result in such a state of health wouldn't seek help or be wiling to accept it once it's brought to them that they need help. She's impressed with how much I've been able to achieve recovery-wise on my own without any professional help and said that I should be really propd of myself. *beam* She also said "That doesn't mean that you have to go it alone, next week, we will have you meet with our dietician, then a gynecologist and a therapist to discuss your changing body image because coming out of amenorrhea is pretty scary too. I have access to anyone you need and it's all covered under OHIP"
*faint* I couldn't believe it! Why could I have not met this woman a year ago - two years ago?!
When she saw my temperature chart, she wanted to get bloodwork done right away because we may have caught me right in the middle of some potential hormonal activity. She thinks that my prognosis for full recovery is excellent, my weight has been in a good range for 6-8 months, so things should be kicking back in any time now.
I'm feeling super-vulnerable about my size and over the next few weeks, I will be surrounded with people who don't quite get it, but I have these new doctors to look forward to and I will have to be strong and recognize what's important in the long run. It's just hard when somebody casually mentions that they think I have gained "enough" weight and they were wondering when I would be 'allowed' to stop gaining.
Thanx, sensitive much? Ah well, I guess some people don't feel like there is anything more to them than the numbers associated with their body and can't understand that I may have a different agenda than being skinny. Granted, 99% of other people seem to have the same agenda and it's kinda hard to feel like I'm accepted, or understood. I'm not exactly extatic about gaining 35 pounds, but I know I'm healthier and generally happier and Universe willing, more fertile :) . I just need to find clothes that fit :/ |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 17th, 2004|12:47 pm] |
YEsterday was the last day of data collection for the Active Women's Study. No more peeing into a cup every morning *WHEEEEEE* - well, for the time being at least. It looks like the proposed "Reversal protocal" is still stuck in the process of being cleared by ethics, nd they are expecting it to be another 6 weeks before we can get started. Sigh.
In the meantime, I'm to get in touch with a doctor at Women's COllege Hospital to get a physical done, which is great because I'm due for one and I hate the idea of my regular GP doing the exam - he forgot if he did a pap during the pelvic exam. Likely because he was already so spazzy (high - *cough*) that he was knocking things off the wall and dropping papers. Sheesh. THe doctor at WCH specializes in athletic women's problems and often works with Dr. DeSousa with amenorrheic women to help resume menses non-pharmacologicaly. Sounds promising! A Western Doctor that isn't out to push drugs on me!
In the afternoon, I went to the naturopath for my second acupuncture treatment with her. She checked my pulse nd noticed that my liver pulse had "calmed right down", the liver pulse is very much effected by anger and stress. I feel like my stress and anger is pretty much GONE! I don't know if it's because I'm more conscious of it, because of the homeopathic remedy, something dietary or what, but my body seems to have made an incredible shift over the course of the last 2 weeks. I feel like I'm more aware of the anger and stress that I always carried with me and I'm able to look at it objectively and deal with it before it festers or gets out of control. It's like it's outside of my head, instead of crawling around under my skin. *POOF* gone!
Today, I'm tired as heck and my boobs still hurt (just the skin). I wanna nap. |
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| Changes? |
[Mar. 15th, 2004|08:07 pm] |
I have been doing a couple of things new that may be leading to these changes.
-eating egg yolks. animal based cholesterol is what hormones are made from. Normal people produce this cholesterol in their liver, but when hormones shut down because of low bodyfat/malnutrition, the liver stopps processing hormones and forgets how to for a period of time. We need to get our cholesterol from food sources. Egg yolks are the best source of animal based cholesterol. It certainly beats gnawing on meat fat. Ew.
-I've been eating loads of soy for about a week now at the suggestion of my naturopath. I did this a while ago too without any of these side effects. Likely because I was still underweight and exercising too much. I have been eating edamame, tofu and soy nuts every day.
I have been doing acupuncture with my Naturopath and she also gave me the homeopathic remedy carcinosin
The changes ( cut cause its' kinda tmi )
Thant's all I can think about for now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 12th, 2004|08:09 pm] |
I'm trying to simplify my supplements, my intuition tells me I don't need the maca, or acetyl l-carnitine.
I have added the yin pills that the naturopath has given me, but I have a feeling it's not about nutrition at this time. |
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| Egg yolks |
[Mar. 10th, 2004|10:21 pm] |
The egg yolk experiment is going okay. I have been adding one egg yolk a day to my diet so I can increase my animal based cholesterol to hopefully boost hormone production. The headaches started today, but I am determined to teach my body to suck it up and deal. It's one freaking egg yolk - sheesh. For some reason I am perfectly fine with chicken and any other animal fat, but toss an egg yolk into the mix and my body throws a tantrum.
Sigh.
Operation "Regression Therapy" and "chicking it up" by about 75% seem to be going very well. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 9th, 2004|07:59 pm] |
Had another blood draw this morning at the university, next week will be the last, then we start the reversal *MEEP*!
I had my first acupuncture treatment with the Naturopath. It was much nicer than acupuncture treatments with Dr. Wang. Hers wasn't zing-ey and painful.
She gave me some herbs to increase my yin.
I'm not sure if it's the homeopathy, but I'm feeling less bubbl-ey-under-the-surface angry. I tend to fume about my mother more than I realize during the day and that anger and disappointment seems to drag me down when I was in an otherwise good mood.
The anger doesn't serve me anymore - out it goes.
I feel unusually calm and very happy. It could be the fuzzy pink sweatshirt I've been wearing the past few days too ;) |
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| Going backwards |
[Mar. 8th, 2004|05:40 pm] |
I cancelled my gym membership today.
I need to raise my cholesterol.
Often an anorexics' liver (even for years post-anorexia) is unable to make it's own cholesterol because of the charachteristic non-fat diets and malnutrition. Cholesterol is what hormones are made from. it has to be animal based because plant based (Like the UDO's oil I've been taking) won't do it. This explains why even though I have a good ammount of fat now, there still aren't hormones, my liver can't remember what to do. My Naturopath noticed that I have very little dietary cholesterol and I have to increase it with animal cholesterol, like egg yolk and meat fat. She acknowledged her horror at recomending I eat this stuff for s while, not in huge quantities, just an egg yolk a day and stop cutting the fat off my chicken. Ew.
Starting today, I learn to love egg yolks. They give me vicious headaches and make me queasy. I've been trying to wean myself onto them for months now. My guess is that I have reactions because my body is trying to proccess the cholesterol because it's pretty foreign in my body. Tough, it's gonna learn. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 6th, 2004|11:10 pm] |
Shawna (The Naturopath) recomended I can help my body to ovulateby putting a little light on in the bedroom at night during the three nights of the full moon, so I'm doing that.
Today, she gave me a homeopathic remedy carcinosin. If I don't notice "anything" ? in a couple of days, then take another three.
She told me that I need more cholesterol! Interesting thing is that in people recovering (or currently dealing with) eating disorders, the liver can't make it's own cholesterol for a while, so the cholesterol has to be taken in food. Cholesterol is what hormones are made from. I thought I was getting enough from the UDO's oil (EFA supplement), but dietary cholesterol that the body builds hormones from is animal based, and I don't seem to have much of that in my diet. Egg yolk is ideal, but I get horrible headaches from them (maybe because my body is trying to work with the cholesterol?) not cutting the fat off my meat is another good (?!) thing for me to do. She was amused at having to tell a client to eat more cholesterol!
We're adressing this stress blockage in my middle with acupuncture starting Tuesday. She feels like there is something just below the surface that I'm not entirely in touch with that I need to adress and release. It sounds scary as heck, but an interesting journey nonetheless. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 3rd, 2004|11:10 pm] |
I had my weigh-in at the University today. 130 pounds. Yup. I've gained roughly 30 pounds in my recovery since October 2002. I'm feeling pretty insecure about this. Why do I let a stupid number make me feel crappy? I'm outgrowing even my upgraded clothes. Oddly, my bodyfat still isn't in an ideal place. Maybe I'm still holding ont a lot of the muscle I built. I think I would feel better about this if there was even a hint of hormonal activity happening. Still nothing.
it doesn't help that a very tall friend was uneasy about their 29" waist and has been on a 'weightloss challenge'. My waist is 29" and I'm 8" shorter than she is. Numbers
numbers numbers
too high too low not enough...
...I wish I could just give up. |
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| Family doctor meeting |
[Feb. 25th, 2004|01:06 pm] |
had a miraculous visit with Dr. Marcus (Formerly Dr. Idiot) who has suddenly seen the light about effective patiet managemet. He looked at my chart and said that he was disappointed with the endocrinologists involvement with my case and agreed that their plan of action (ie: wait and see another 5 months) was ineffective. He is referring me to a fertility clinic and even said that if I hadn't had a phone call in 3 days to give him a call back. He said that more than enough time has passed with me being a healthy weight and having a healthy lifestyle that it's time to persue other treatment options and has a specialist in mind that deals with unusual cases like mine. Even he said "enough is enough here, your body isn't responding properly to standard protocol, lets see what else we can do. Two years, gosh, you and your husband must be just pulling your hair out by now!" Well YEAH! We have in fact. He was even concerned about our support network, which I told him - save for a few, was fantastic.
HOORAY!! Finally! |
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| sigh |
[Feb. 23rd, 2004|11:10 pm] |
My temperatures dropped today, which means I should have started bleeding.
I didn't.
This means the high temps, even though there were a lot of them and it looked very normal for a leuteal phase - were indeed a fluke. Not the beginning of a cycle.
Meaning I have been imagining any hormonal activity.
I have been cramping too which is making things very annoying and confusing and I'm just feeling miserable and can't stop crying. I feel hopeless again. |
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| Weird vibrations... |
[Feb. 22nd, 2004|05:10 pm] |
One thing I've noticed over the past few weeks is a strange vibrating around where my uterus would be. At first I thought it was because I was sitting on the floor and a truck or streetcar drove by. I began to notice it when I was standing up, at work, or even walking home. I imagine it could be circulation happening in a place I'm not used to. It almost feels like I have a little pager implant. I've had strange little cramps and twingies as well.
Strange.
This week will be interesting. |
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